Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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