Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
