wat bout pragnant strippers??
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
