meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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