i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
