I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
