yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
