yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
