I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
