I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
