i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
