why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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