I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
