My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
your room smells of hookers.
And success
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
