Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
