What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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