so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
