Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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