it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
