so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
