He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
