My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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