Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
