i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
