I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this just has baby written all over it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
