Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
