Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
