My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
soo... how was my night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
