tell your sister to shave her snatch
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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