I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
