Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
