I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
