i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
