Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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