Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
