thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
