what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You're a waste of cheezeits
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
