Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
