One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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