I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
