the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
