Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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