I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
