I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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