I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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