i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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