Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
