Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
