So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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