In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
