Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
