Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You need Xanax blowdarts
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
