Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
